This will be a fantastic rant session from yours truly.
Alright, to be fair, most of these are from one ex and some are from the guy who I have happily put into “first-love-but-don’t-ever-go-back-there-territory”. This is a short summary of the worst things someone has said to me whilst we were dating.
So if any of you dudes are actually reading this – I apologise for not disclosing that I’ll be writing about our personal experiences online, BUT I’m not that sorry because I won’t mention who you actually are. You’ll know when it’s you. Oh and please keep in mind that this blog comes from my memories and personal emotions; in no way am I trying to discredit you as an individual. Sure there were many highlights, but the following were the low lights of our relationship that stuck with me.
Alright, to be fair, most of these are from one ex and some are from the guy who I have happily put into “first-love-but-don’t-ever-go-back-there-territory”. This is a short summary of the worst things someone has said to me whilst we were dating.
So if any of you dudes are actually reading this – I apologise for not disclosing that I’ll be writing about our personal experiences online, BUT I’m not that sorry because I won’t mention who you actually are. You’ll know when it’s you. Oh and please keep in mind that this blog comes from my memories and personal emotions; in no way am I trying to discredit you as an individual. Sure there were many highlights, but the following were the low lights of our relationship that stuck with me.
Now that that’s disclosed, let the countdown begin:
4) “You’re so lucky to have me.”
Orly? Am I? I'm sorry, but excuse me? This was said several times during this relationship and most times it was totally uncalled for. The warning flags came around the 3rd time for me. I love it when someone feels so secure in themselves to say this comfortably in a sarcastically funny way. Like when they're able to make fun of small misgivings or mistakes. However, there is a very fine line between funny and downright narcissistic. I'm someone who has learnt to be pretty laid back, so comments like so don't usually affect me but obviously this time one has affected me deeply. I understand that people have many insecurities and a lot of the time the counter action to these insecurities is to fish for complements and validation.
Dude, you already knew my penchant for loyalty to people I care about before we even started dating. I've not only told you countless times before that I'm very loyal but also tried everything in my power to prove that to you. You absolutely do not need to be an insecure prick about not believing me. Validate your existence all you want, but if it makes the significant other feel like they're going to be trapped in a never ending circle of unnecessary expectations then said significant other should get the hell out of there.
Lesson A - a relationship does not require give and take; it requires patience, devotion and understanding from both parties. He only had devotion, in body but barely in strength of mind and faith.
5) “You’re perfect for my future. Think about it, ____ the pro ____ and his wife [me] the philanthropist who he’ll help after his career is over. Neat, huh?”
First off, I have should mention that I don't want to be tied into matrimony. I am family oriented and love to help those in need, but I also crave a simple and legally uncomplicated relationship. "Marriage" should be a devotion of two souls who swear to protect and understand each other for x amount of eternity. If I really love someone then yes I'd love to spend the rest of my life with the person; but I don't like the idea of aisles and flowers and faking bliss after 20 odd years of signing a sheet of paper. I understand that for some people of whichever faith may be like - oh but that's already in our vows - I respect that. That just doesn't fit with me. I think I might be getting too technical about this though.
Back on topic, I don't know about you, reader, but this was highly offensive to me and my ideologies. I didn't think much of this statement at first because y'know, la vie en rose. However to this day it still haunts me and quite literally proved that someone was dating me out of convenience or something similar. Helloooo ex! I dated you because I thought we had something intimate and "special". What is this nonsense about making me your wife then lead a separate life only to join me when it's convenient for you?! I sure as heck did not think that was "neat"!!!
Lesson B - boys, if you want a forward-thinking modern century girl, be open to the mind set that they may not want to be as traditional as you would like them to be. You don't have to go be a feminist, just respect her ideals and wishes and in turn she will respect yours.
2) Me: “What do you love about me?”
Him: “I love your potential.”
…That's it. Nothing else. Not until I did that incredulous eyebrow raise thing anyway. I get that honesty is the best policy but this just made me be all oh hell, NO. At that stage of the relationship I'm very sure it was passed a year already, so come on there either has to be something else. To this day I very much wish I had said something instead of keep my emotions tampered. It's like a very direct way of saying "you're not good enough"., and for this guy it wasn't the ability to be a girlfriend he was implying, it was the fact that I didn't work out enough to achieve the ideal "big azn booty" and stable gym routine to be with someone of his creatine boosted asshole-ery. By saying this, he not only insulted my physical state which wasn't even that bad considering I was stressed and imbalanced throughout the whole of my last year of high school; he also began to tear down my mental walls of security. Believe me when I say those walls have taken years to build and help me be comfortable and happy with who I am. The moment some jackass begins to break through that blanket of secure state of mind, he's out.
Lesson C - there is no need to change because the person you're dating implies or tells you to. A meaningful relationship should take the time and patience to help you become your best self. However, be your own person and make decisions such as weight loss and appearance improving for yourself; you'll find that you will be so much happier in your own skin and mind.
1) “I can’t believe you said that. Do you know how insulting that was? Why are you such a bitch sometimes?”
I want to finish this list with the worst and best thing a S.O. has ever said to me. Worst because this statement made me feel inexplicably awful, like I killed a baby and a kitten or something. I had truly hurt someone that I deeply cared about, all because I was too prideful and wanted to prove them that I was right, even though I might've been wrong. One won't know true emotional pain until one sees the look of utter despair and disappointment on a loved ones face. Sure my parents have made that face many times throughout my adolescence, but that was different because that time I didn't realise how much I could negatively affect a non familial person like that. I hurt him and I hurt myself more.
It was the best thing someone said to me because it helped me grow. I was an insecure and aggressive teenager, but through the hurt and loss, I was able to reflect on my own actions and see that there is a time and place for everything. You don't need to argue and condescend, especially with someone who is just as vulnerable - if not more - as you are.
Lesson D - be careful what you say in the most strenuous of times. Our actions may speak volumes but heart spoken words reveal the innermost depths of our soul. These words can be dangerous as once they are spoken, there is no way to take them back.
And that's a wrap for today. I actually feel much better now that I've written them down somewhere. For now I may be a little jaded, but I'll always be a romantic at heart. I love to love others, and if I ever find someone who I know is "the one", they will have my (currently safely guarded) mind, body and soul.
NOTE: This post was moved from my beauty blog, sorry if you've already read it!
Image source: publicdomainpictures.net